Turning A Corner

Umm, November? Where did you go? I guess ’tis the season when time speeds up at warp speed and my head is left spinning not knowing where the days have gone. Thanksgiving has come and gone and now we’re smack dab into the holidays with New Years Day right around the corner, concluding one of the most intensely emotionally and fastest moving years I’ve ever had!  I mean, seriously? 2016 was surely one doozy of a year!

November was a complete blur to me. If I had to describe it, November might have had a little running and a LOT of eating in it. Yeah…that’s pretty much it.

November had my lowest mileage of the year, thus far – 72.44 miles with not even a single double digit run the entire month. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure why that is.

Maybe a part of me felt like I was recovering from the Javelina training and another part of me, didn’t feel like running longer than a few miles.

I don’t have to run double digits! In fact, I don’t have to run, period. 

I didn’t have to do anything if I didn’t want to. My training was over, so if I didn’t feel like putting any miles in that day, it was no biggie.

Maybe I lost some motivation there. Maybe I realized I was so drained from racking up those miles and putting in those training days for the past several months, I wanted to disconnect from running. Maybe I associated so much of my training time to Javelina that once Javelina was over, I simply wanted to distance myself from it so I didn’t have that association there.

It’s very difficult for me to explain, but maybe it’s because I don’t have another race to focus on so the drive to keep putting in the training time wasn’t there.

I mean, can’t I simply run for the mere fact I enjoy running???

That was my thought and goal for after Javelina which is why I didn’t want to focus on any other race until after Javelina.

I wanted to run, just to run, and not think about how many miles, or hours, or how much time I need to spend on my feet.

But turns out, I’m tired. I’m really tired.

Training for a 100 mile race tired me out! It took a lot out of me and I wish I could say I have some super human endurance and strength that many people who run ultras appear to exhibit, but I don’t.

And I tried to be gentle and allow myself to feel whatever I felt, but in all honesty, I also felt lost. I felt like my purpose for running was lost after Javelina and I needed to deal with life after it. I simply had to deal with life.

As a result, I found myself retreating from running and from the running community. I stayed off social media and didn’t engage as much I have in the past. And I certainly stayed away from this blog. I think I started a couple of blog posts and couldn’t get myself to finish them.

I needed to step away and get back in touch with me and why I run and try to figure out some things and so last week I escaped to the mountains for some trail time. This time a trail run wasn’t about training or recovering from Javelina, it was about trying to clear my head of all the questions currently swirling around in it and frankly, moving my body for longer than a few miles.

Turns out I didn’t quite figure out much, but that’s okay. Sometimes I think it’s better if I don’t try to force the answers. Besides the mountains didn’t feel like telling me much that day, but I did end up with my first double digit run since Javelina – a nice and very windy (courtesy of the Santa Ana winds) – 12 miles on the dirt! A double digit run in December? Check!

I felt good after this run.

This morning I went for a trail run because no matter how much I tell myself I don’t need to hit the trails and I could do a short road run instead, the trails are indeed my happy place. Of course, I also told myself I don’t need to run very long either and I didn’t. 5 miles were enough to kick up those endorphins and I honestly felt so good during and afterwards!

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt true joy on the dirt. Maybe it was the fact I was engulfed in fog for a little bit before it started to burn off and it’s been a long while since I’ve run in these conditions. It was also chilly which was a great respite from all the heat I’ve experienced for the past several months.

Or maybe this joy stems from feeling like the November fog I was living in is lifting, and I’m beginning to see things more clearly.

And now I think I’m finally turning a corner. Maybe that has to do with the fact this emotionally exhausting year is coming to a close and I’m ready to put this year behind me and start a new one. And maybe it’s because I’m already starting to look at some future race options for 2017. As I told my Twitter friend Jeff, “I need to start focusing on it or else I’ll drift aimlessly in the running abyss.”

Not that the “abyss” is necessarily a bad thing, but if I’m going to have goals – for both running and life – I need my energy heading in the direction I’d like to go in, and I’m starting to get some ideas. And that’s a great feeling to have!

Thanks for reading!