Every now and then on the morning of a long run, fear and self-doubt creep in with them asking, “What if I can’t complete the distance?”
Of course, they aren’t always this obvious and can be subtlety disguised as procrastination.
This could look like me taking too long to get ready all the while needing to complete Wordle before heading out the door. Should I postpone my run until later in the morning, or later in the day? Better yet, maybe I could postpone my run until tomorrow.
This doesn’t happen to me often but it does happen especially when it’s a distance I haven’t reached in a while. As was the case on Saturday when 7 miles were on the schedule which is a distance I’m not unfamiliar with.
That morning I took longer to get moving. I kept asking myself, should I complete these miles on the road or on a trail? While I do prefer trail more, I need to run longer on roads. I chose the dirt, but it took me some time to reach that decision and by stalling I got outside later than I wanted. That will happen.
I get it though. Fear and doubt want to keep me safe because they know I’m about to do something remarkably uncomfortable and they like comfort. And training for a marathon will always be uncomfortable regardless if it’s your first or your 1,000th.
But this is an irrational fear and it likes safety and certainty.
Uncertainty is involved in every run. I’ve never worn the same exact outfit with the same exact shoes ran the same exact route and had the same exact run feeling the same way for better or worse. Ever.
We don’t know what’s going to happen and yes that can be scary for some of us. I like reassurance. I like certainty. I like safety. Who doesn’t?
But what helps me when the struggle of mental fear and self-doubt arise even after all these years are a few things:
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Turn fear into curiosity.
It becomes not so much about “I’m scared of what’s going to happen or I’m scared of how I might feel,” as it is more about “I’m curious as to what is possible.”
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Take the pressure off.
Releasing expectations of what I want to feel and relax into the experience of what is happening.
Besides, nobody is keeping score. Nobody is there to mark, well she slowed down, and is that even considered running?? This run (and walking) is for me and only me. Nobody cares.
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Chip away at each mile step by step.
How do you eat an entire watermelon? One bite at a time.
How do you complete a mile? One step at a time.
Some will be devoured quickly and some will take a bit longer. That goes for both the watermelon and the miles.
There isn’t anything complicated about it. Keep moving forward inch by inch. It’s not always easy and I have to remind myself of these things even when I enjoy being out there.
Saturday’s 7 miles turned into 7.53 miles and I debated about whether to keep going to reach 8. I decided to stop even though I was having a great time and felt good enough to continue. That tends to happen when I relax and don’t allow fear and doubt to take control of my mind and more importantly, my run.
